“That was for my car”
by TheSunflower5
Summary: Dean and Cas are on a hunting job. Several hours in a car by themselves. What could go wrong?
1. Unfamilar Territory

Dean and Cas were heading to follow up on a lead with Dean driving the Impala. Cas had tried to strike up a conversation with Dean but gave up within the first hour. Dean was in a bad mood and Cas knew better than to push him. Castiel suspected that his silent tantrum developed from the fact that he had not eaten in a few hours. Cas, of course, did not need to eat but he had become accustomed to Sam and Dean's human needs. Castiel had also learned to become wary of Dean's moods when he was hungry.

"Where are we headed again?" asked Cas carefully.

"Portland, Oregon" answered Dean, sounding irritated.

After another moment of silence, Cas asked bluntly, "Are you hungry?"

Dean shot a glance at the angel, wondering if he was serious. Cas looked innocently back and Dean rolled his eyes in a way that said, 'of course he's serious, he's always serious'.

"Yeah, a little," Dean answered half amused, half irritated, "Are you?" He asked jokingly.

"Of course not." Cas responded.

"Then why did you want to know?" Dean asked none to kindly.

Castiel paused before responding, knowing he should tread carefully.

"I have observed in the past that you become angered easily when you have not eaten for a long period of time. I was curious if that is why you are upset with me."

At the last few words, Dean's head whipped around to look at the angel, a look of surprise on his face.

"You think I'm upset with you?" Dean asked quietly.

"Well, actually, I think you are hungry and that is causing you to be angry with me." answered Cas, matter of factly, as if it didn't bother him. But in truth, Cas hated it when Dean was angry with him.

"I'm not angry at you Cas," Dean almost whispered, not looking at him anymore. Cas noticed him griping the steering wheel harder than was necessary, his knuckles turning white. Cas took this as a sign to back off. If Dean was going to tell him what was really going on, it wouldn't be because Cas pushed him. Even Castiel knew that pushing Dean to talk about his feelings rarely worked.

They sat in silence for a while until Cas gently prompted Dean.

"Who are you angry at then?" Cas asked.

"Well if I have to pick a person, then it would be Sam." Dean answered, glowering at the road.

"What did Sam do?" Cas asked again, taking it as a good sign that Dean answered his first question.

"Well for starters, he needs hair cut. Hair that long on a dude is bound to make anybody a little angry." Dean joked to avoid the question.

"Dean." Cas said.

Dean sighed, "He didn't come with us." Dean said simply. But Castiel was getting the idea that this was anything but simple.

"But that wasn't Sam's fault, you know he had to stay behind and guard the bunker. You are the one who suggested it." responded Cas, confused. He was used to Dean getting angry easily but he was rarely unreasonable in his anger.

"You think I don't know that?" snapped Dean, getting agitated. "But now we have a long drive ahead us, just you and me, and I have nothing to distract me from it."

He stared stonily ahead and his hand was gripping the steering wheel even tighter now. This time though, Castiel didn't back off because now he was starting to get angry. Dean was upset because he had to spend alone time with Cas? 'Is being around me really that bad?' Cas thought. The thought sent a shock of pain through the angel.

"I know that I am not as familiar with human emotions as you and Sam but I never knew that it bothered you so much" snapped Castiel. "Next time you can just leave me at the bunker instead".

Cas glared at Dean waiting for him to snap back. Dean had paled considerably at the angel's harsh words but he said nothing in return. When Cas realized that Dean had no intention of responding, he only became angrier. 'Fine' he thought, and throwing caution to the wind, he did something that was sure to make Dean the angriest he had ever been at Cas.

"What the hell?" Dean muttered, completely forgetting their argument.

The Impala had started sputtering and slowing. Dean guided his baby to the side of the road as the car slowed to a halt. Dean turned off the ignition and threw himself out of the car. Cas got out as well, though much more warily. Dean had popped the hood and was checking to see what was wrong, while muttering a long string of curses under his breath, as Cas waited silently for him to figure it out.

The angel had no idea what had come over him. He was so hurt by Dean's words in the car and had wanted the hunter to hurt just as much. Castiel shook his head in surprise. Just a few years ago and he wouldn't have even been capable of emotions at all, much less such strong ones. But Dean always did that to him. No other human could make Castiel feel the emotions that being around Dean did.

Cas stood by the passenger side door and watched Dean. He was frantically searching for the problem with his beloved car. He had taken off his jacket and pushed the sleeves of his flannel shirt up to his elbows. Castiel watched the muscles in Dean's arms and felt his stomach do an odd flip that he had grown to associate with watching Dean.

Cas began to feel the tiniest bit guilty about messing with Impala when Dean said "It doesn't make sense, she should be running fine." He sounded bewildered. He stood for another moment and then repeated slowly, "She should be running fine." Now Dean was looking at Castiel with a strange mix of emotions on his face. Cas recognized dawning realization and the start of anger and also a little bit of impressed awe. But all of that was quickly taken over by anger.

"What did you do?!" Dean almost yelled.

Cas stared stonily back at Dean trying not to betray anything but he had lifted his chin defiantly. That was all the answer Dean needed. In three quick strides, he reached Castiel and grabbed him by the front of his trench coat.

"Fix her" was all Dean said, his voice now dangerously quiet. Cas thought he might have preferred Dean yelling from a distance. His closeness was not helping Cas keep his thoughts straight.

"Whatever you did with your angel mojo, undo it." Dean demanded.

"No" Cas managed to get out. Dean's eyes flashed angrily and Cas rolled his eyes and quickly added "Not until you tell me why you are angry".

"I'm angry because you broke my damn car!" Dean yelled.

Cas looked steadily into Dean's eyes.

"The real reason." Cas stated.

Dean's face paled again and his heart started hammering in his chest. As if just now realizing how close he was to Cas, his breathing quickened and he pushed roughly away from the angel.

"Dammit Cas!" Dean yelled, not looking at the angel. "I knew I should have stayed at the bunker and sent Sammy instead". His voice was quiet now and he looked, not angry as Cas expected, but very serious, as if he was preparing himself to do something difficult.

Cas, who was still leaning against the car where Dean had left him, asked "Well then why didn't you?!" Cas was yelling now, "Is being around me so bad?" He asked the question like a challenge but really he was finally voicing his real concerns. And he was terrified of the answer.

Dean whipped his head up once again to see the fear that Cas was trying to conceal in his eyes.

"No Cas. That's not it." He had a rare look of serious vulnerability on his face. He took a step closer to the angel. "Look Cas, this is hard to explain but I-" he sighed. He looked right into Cas' eyes as if searching for something. "You know what, fuck it." He closed the distance between the two of them, close but not quite touching. Cas' stomach did its usual flip and then dropped completely as Dean reached out took Cas' face in his hands. Cas had never been touched like this before and his complete lack of experience must have shown on his face because Dean said, "You can tell me to stop."

Castiel said nothing.

He could hear Dean's heart beating and could feel his breathing quicken. Cas gasped in shock as Dean pressed his lips against his own. His entire body felt like it was on fire. A flame that started with his lips and moved through him causing his body to react without Cas meaning it to. Cas leaned into the kiss and grasped Dean's flannel shirt in his hands and pulled the hunter's body flush against his. Dean slid his right hand up to tangle in the angels hair and his left slipped around Castiel's waist as he crushed him against the car. Dean groaned as Cas pushed his hips against the hunters. Castiel broke the kiss gasping for air but still gripped Dean against him. He pulled back enough to look into Dean's eyes, which were very dilated.

"Cas, I-" Dean started to say but Cas stopped him by crushing his lips against Dean's again, as if he need proof that the first kiss had actually happened. Cas ran his hands up Dean's chest causing him to shudder. Dean rolled his hips against Cas' causing Cas to groan and break the kiss once more.

"Dean, I don't- I don't know what's happening to my body." He gasped. Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder breathing heavily. He could feel a tightness against the zipper of his jeans that he didn't understand.

"I know Cas, I know. That's why I, why I didn't want to do this." Dean said, struggling for words. "But then you broke fucking my car," he continued sounding irritated again, "and forced my hand. I didn't know how to explain my behavior so I decided to show you instead. You seemed to enjoy my explanation though." Now he sounded pleased with himself.

"I still don't understand, Dean. Why are you angry with Sam? Why are you angry with me? Why did you think kissing me would help explain all of it?" Cas fired off all of these questions in his gravely monotone voice that betrayed no emotions. But Cas was more confused than ever. Not that he hadn't enjoyed Dean's explanation but that was beside the point. It didn't make sense.

Dean lifted Cas' chin and forced the angel to look at him.

"I'm not angry at you Cas. Or at Sam. I was angry with myself because of what I was feeling about you. I'm-" he sighed and looked down for a moment and then back up, "I'm attracted to you Cas. But I don't know why because, I mean, I'm straight. I only like girls except, apparently, when it comes to you." He looked exasperated. "When I said I was angry with Sam, I was really just scared about what would happen if you and I were stuck in a car together for a long time. Clearly for good reason." He gestured at the two them still pressed up against each other. He sounded nonchalant but his eyes showed how shocked he still was.

"But why were you scared of this happening?" Cas asked.

Dean hesitated before responding. Cas could tell they were finally getting to the part that had Dean so freaked out.

"Well, for one thing, I didn't know how you would react. I'm not used to caring about being rejected. I get rejected by girls all the time. But I was afraid of you rejecting me." Dean looked like this conversation was getting a bit to girly for him. But he pressed on anyway. "The main thing though, is I have never been attracted to a man before Cas. This is unfamiliar territory for me. When I was getting ready to kiss you a minute ago, I had no idea if you even wanted me to. If you had been a girl, I would have been able to tell easily." Dean sounded frustrated and vulnerable in a way that Cas had never seen before. He let his forehead fall so that it rested against Castiel's. After a long moment of silence, Dean growled "Say something, Cas, please."

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to process this. It's all very new to me as well. What did you call it? Unfamiliar territory? Well even though this unfamiliar for you, at least you have instincts you can follow. 'Unfamiliar' doesn't even begin to describe what this is for me." Cas' voice was low and unsure.

Dean's lips quirked up. "I think you have more instincts than you know." He whispered.

Dean was right. Cas reacted to an instinct that he didn't even know he had. He took Dean's face in his hands and pressed a kiss against his lips. It started as simple reassurance but slowly it turned deeper. Dean was pushing Cas against the car again, his lips parted Cas' and his tongue explored the angels mouth. Cas groaned in response and his hands found the belt loops in Dean's jeans and pulled him closer, rolling his hips against the hunter's. The tightness in his jeans felt amazing when pressed against Dean. Castiel pulled away yet again and Dean groaned in response and buried his face in the angels neck.

Gasping, Cas asked, "Dean, what the hell is happening to my body right now?"

"It's normal, Cas. I know it's probably weird but I promise it's normal." Dean's voice was muffled against Cas' throat, where he was kissing him. Cas tried to calm his breathing but the way Dean was kissing him made it very, very difficult.

"I'll take care of you Cas, I promise."

Dean's hand, which had been in Castiel's hair, moved down along his chest and stoped right above Cas' button on his jeans. Cas noticed that Dean's hand was shaking and he realized what Dean was planning on doing. He had spent enough time on Earth and around the Winchester's to know what came next. Dean was going to touch him. And _he was nervous about it._

Cas gasped and said "Dean, you don't have to."

Dean froze. He pulled away from Cas and looked at his face. Dean was so uncertain it nearly broke Castiel's heart. Dean who was always so confident, was so unsure about himself in this moment.

"Do you not want me to?" Dean asked.

"It's not that. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Also, we are on the side of the street and anyone could drive by." Cas pointed out, his voice gravely.

Dean looked at the street as if he had just remembered it was there. He stepped away from Cas and suddenly Cas regretted saying anything at all.

"Then let's go. It's about to get dark anyway and we need to find a motel."

Cas felt a bit dizzy at the idea of spending the night in a motel with Dean now. So much had changed in such a short time.

Dean looked at him and grinned as if guessing his thoughts. Then he leaned forward and kissed Cas. This one was not like the others. It was soft and slow. A promise of more to come.

Dean pulled away and stepped back from Cas again. He turned to the Impala, his gaze turning sour. "Is my car going to work now?" He asked accusingly. His irritated expression had returned.

"Yes", was all Cas managed to say.

"Good", Dean responded. Dean reached up towards Cas and he thought for a second that Dean was going to pull him in for another kiss, but then Cas felt the palm of Dean's hand smack him on the side of the head. Cas gaped at Dean.

"That was for my car." Dean said as he walked around the car to the drivers side door.

"Did you really just smack an Angel of the Lord on the head?" Cas asked amused.

Dean stopped and looked at Cas across the top of the car.

"Yep" he responded, "and if that 'Angel of the Lord' ever touches my baby again, I'll kick his ass."

Cas smiled. 'We'll see' he thought.


	2. A Completely Different Ballgame

The next hour in the car with Dean wasn't as awkward as Castiel thought it could have been. But he wasn't always the best judge of that sort of thing. However, Dean seemed much more relaxed than before. He even stopped at a diner in the next town for a burger. After taking one bite, he said "Man, I really was hungry". Cas muttered something that sounded a lot like "I knew it" that Dean chose to ignore. Now they were finally at the motel and in Cas' opinion, it was one of the better ones they had stayed in. There was a kitchen area in the back right corner that had a table, chairs, and fridge and then two twin beds to the left, about three feet apart, the head boards pressed against wall. There was also a door to the right that Cas assumed to be the bathroom. Dean walked in, threw his bag on the table and pulled a beer out of it. Cas didn't even remember where he got it. Without looking at Cas, Dean asked, "You want one?".

"No thank you, Dean." Cas responded. Now that he thought about it, Dean hadn't actually looked at him since they got back into the car.

"Dean?" Cas asked.

"Yeah?" Dean responded while opening his beer.

"Why won't you look at me?" Cas asked bluntly.

Dean stopped trying to open his drink. He set the beer down on the table and then he turned to look at Castiel.

"Did I do something wrong earlier?" Cas asked.

This shocked Dean. Even Cas, who was not great at reading human emotion, could tell that this shocked Dean. He turned away and picked up his half opened beer again and finished opening it. He took a long swig and then set it back down.

"No Cas. You did not do anything wrong." Dean finally said.

"But you're upset. Why?" Cas asked.

"Look, I think that I have had enough of talking about my feelings today, alright?" Dean snapped.

"And now you're angry with me again." Cas stated, a bit irritably. "But I think you are only angry because you are scared. It's why you were angry earlier, right?" Cas challenged.

"Okay, we're done here." Dean said as he stalked over to the bathroom door. But, suddenly, he found his way blocked by Cas. Apparently, Dean had forgotten how quickly Cas could move when he wanted to.

"Get out of my way, Cas." Dean glared at him.

"No. You don't get to run and hide anymore, Dean. Because this is not just about you now." Cas shoved a finger at Dean's chest. "You involved me, which makes this about _us._ " Castiel glared right back at Dean and he looked every bit an avenging angel. Dean glared at Cas for a few more seconds and then his defense crumpled.

"You're right, Cas," Dean admitted, "God, I keep messing this up." Dean muttered to himself. Dean walked back to the kitchen table, picked up his beer, and downed the rest of it. Then he leaned against the table and looked at Cas, who had been waiting patiently through the whole spectacle.

"You were right, about me being angry because I'm scared." Dean admitted, not looking at Cas.

"But why are you still scared? I kissed you back. I told you that I wanted you too." Cas struggled to understand.

"It's not just about you wanting me back. Normally, it would be but nothing about you and I, is normal to me. This is a completely different ballgame for me Cas. I mean, it's you. You're an angel and a dude and I am completely out of my depths here. Not to mention that whatever happens next will mean much more to me than anything I've ever done before."

Cas was surprised to hear the last part. He hadn't thought much about what it would mean to both of them if they took this much further. Clearly, it meant a lot Dean, but what did it mean to him? He cared about Dean a lot and he was obviously very attracted to him, but did he love him? Was he supposed to love him before anything happened or did that come after? As an angel, was he even capable of a nonplatonic love?

"Are you going to say anything, Cas?" Dean was all tension.

"I didn't know that it meant that much to you." was all Cas said.

Dean met Cas' eyes. Cas looked back and really, actually looked at Dean. He saw the tension in the other man's shoulders, saw how Dean was gripping the edge of the table behind him, and saw just how vulnerable Dean was and thought 'Of course this is big deal, Dean never acts like this'. Cas chastised himself for not seeing it sooner.

"I'm sorry Dean. Sex has never seemed to matter much to you before but I should have realized that this was different." Cas amended. Cas saw Dean swallow at the word 'sex', and realized that he probably should have put it more delicately. He silently cursed his bluntness.

"What does it-" Dean broke off and took a deep breath as if it cost him something to finish his sentence, "What does it mean to you, Cas?"

Cas was surprised by the very question he had already asked himself and was not prepared to answer it out loud. He thought about it again, thought about how much he cared for Dean and about how this could ruin their friendship if it didn't go well. Cas knew the answer and it terrified him.

"Everything, Dean. It means everything to me." Cas whispered, looking right at Dean.

The next thing Cas knew, Dean had pushed off the table and crossed the room to Cas. The two of them crashed together and Dean kissed Cas as if the world was ending. He gripped the angel's trench coat and pulled him closer. Their lips parted and they explored each other with passion. Cas ran his hands through Dean's hair and Dean pushed Cas' coat off of his shoulders. Cas removed his hands from Dean so that he could shrug the coat off and then immediately moved to pull Dean's shirt over his head. They broke apart as the shirt came off, both of them gasping. Dean forced Cas backwards towards the closest bed. Castiel fell backwards and then Dean was on top of him. Dean kissed his neck causing Cas to groan. Dean hands moved to Castiel's shirt and expertly unbuttoned it. Cas ran his hands over Dean's hot, bare skin. And then Dean moved so suddenly away from Castiel that the angel was left gasping.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Cas asked, his voice husky.

Dean pulled his phone out of his back pocket. "My phone is ringing." He said.

"It's Sam" he said, "with the absolute worst timing ever." He sighed, "I'm going to put him on speaker phone."

Cas wanted to protest but he knew that Sam could very well be calling with an emergency so he said nothing. Instead, Cas got up and crossed the room to the table where Dean had set his phone.

Cas looked at Dean. His hair was adorably rumpled, his lips swollen, and of course, still shirtless. Cas was going to have trouble focusing on this conversation. "You're on speaker phone. What's up?" Dean said casually.

"Hey guys. How's it going? Anything interesting happen yet?" Sam asked.

"No." Castiel answered too quickly. Dean gave him a look that said 'dude pull it together'. Cas rolled his eyes but decided not to say anything else.

"Um. Okay?" Sam responded, "Well, I called to let you know that the police solved the murders that you guys were headed there for. It turned out not to be our thing after all. Sorry you guys had to drive all that way."

"Nah don't be sorry. We will head back tomorrow." Dean responded a little too casually this time.

"Really? I figured you would just head back tonight." Sam said suspiciously.

"Well we would," Dean said thinking fast, "but I'm too tired to drive through the night."

"Dean, you've driven 16 hours straight before. What's going on?" Sam pressed.

"Hey just because I can do it, doesn't mean I want to." Dean snapped. "I'm tired and I need sleep."

"It's true." Cas spoke up, "He's been cranky all day."

Sam laughed, "Well that I believe. Alright. I'll see you both tomorrow then."

"See ya Sam." Dean hung up.

"I thought that you would be better at lying than that." Cas teased.

Dean shot Cas a contemptuous look.

"Yeah, well I was a little distracted." Dean responded, sounding annoyed. He eyed Cas' unbuttoned shirt. Cas felt heat rising up in face.

"Are you going to tell him?" Cas asked.

Dean sighed, "I don't even know what I would tell him. I mean, what the hell is going on here, Cas? One minute we're just friends and the next we're, what, _girlfriends_ or something?" Dean cringed at the word.

Cas did not like where this conversation was going. "Do you regret it then? What happened earlier?" Cas asked quietly, looking anywhere but shirtless Dean. To the angel's surprise, Dean snorted.

"Well, I admit that your angel mojo car trick was effective and to answer your question, no. I don't regret it. But my promise still stands. If you touch my car again, I _will_ kick your angel ass."

Cas looked at Dean doubtfully. "Do you really believe that you could take me in a fight?" He asked dryly.

"Is that a challenge?" Dean straightened up.

Cas rolled his eyes and sighed. 'This is going to be fun' he thought. And then he sprang at Dean. The angel moved so fast that the hunter barely had time to yell. They toppled over a chair and within seconds Cas had Dean pinned beneath him. Dean was sputtering curses at Cas. Cas grinned down at him. "You scream like a girl." He teased. Dean glared at him. Suddenly, Dean twisted and rolled so that Cas was shoved down with his back to the floor. Cas gasped with the force and strength of it, but didn't allow himself to be pinned. He used Dean's momentum to push him to the side and leaped up. He allowed Dean to scramble to his feet before using his wings to disappear and reappear right behind Dean. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and put him in a head lock. Dean reached back and Cas knew that Dean was going to try and flip Cas over his shoulder. Cas released Dean quickly and pushed him from behind, causing the hunter to pitch forward onto one of the beds. Dean rolled onto his back just as Cas launched himself forward and pinned Dean to the bed. Dean struggled for a moment before lying still, surprised at the strength of Cas.

Cas grinned again, "I thought you were going to kick my ass?" He taunted Dean again. Dean tried very hard to look angry but Cas started to think that Dean had actually _enjoyed_ Cas throwing him around. Cas, having proved his point, shifted into a more comfortable position on top of Dean. Cas could hear Dean's heart beat speed up and then he realized that he was straddling Dean's hips. Cas slowly released Dean's hands from being pinned above his head. Dean reached up to pull Cas' lips to his own. The kiss was gentle and Dean's hands were soft on Cas' face. Cas was surprised by the tenderness in Dean's touch, he had always been the hot and heavy type of person. They had both realized just how important these next steps were and it seemed that Dean wanted to show Cas just how much the angel meant to him. Cas relaxed into Dean, letting him push Cas' unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders. Cas shuddered as Dean's hands caressed his bare skin. The angel had never been touched this way before and he wondered if he would ever get used it. He loved the way Dean's calloused hands felt rough and warm against his hips. Cas tangled his hands in Dean's hair pulled him even closer. Dean rolled them over so that he hovered over Castiel. Cas noticed that Dean was shaking again so he wrapped his arms around Dean and pulled him down to hold him. Dean collapsed on top of Cas and buried his face in the angels neck. Cas stroked Dean's hair and kissed his face until the shaking stopped.

"Dean, we don't have to do this." Cas said, his voice low.

"I don't know why it scares me so much." Dean responded, his voice muffled against Cas.

The fact that Dean was scared, terrified Cas. Dean was never scared. 'Not until today' Cas amended his thoughts. Cas held Dean tighter as if he could squeeze the fear out. But the truth was, Cas was scared too. Not of loving Dean, but being intimate with him. He had been running off of instinct all day, and was afraid that he was going to run out of it eventually. 'So we are just two terrified idiots trying to learn how to be together' thought Cas. And when he put it that way, it didn't seem as scary.

Dean's breathing has slowed and Cas could tell that he was tired. He rolled them both over and got out of bed. Dean shot up.

"Cas. I'm so sorry. I don't know what my problem is but I promise I am going to figure it out. Just please don't leave me." The urgency and fear was plain in his voice and on his face. Cas moved quickly back to his side and kissed him softly.

"I'm not leaving you, Dean. I was going to turn off the lights so you could sleep." Cas said reassuringly and kissed him again.

"Oh." Was all Dean said, clearly embarrassed by his moment of weakness. Cas got up once again and crossed the room to turn off the light. On his way back, he snagged the blanket off the unused bed and crawled in next to Dean, who had laid down. Cas threw the blanket over both of them and pulled Dean into his arms once again.

When Dean woke up in the morning, tangled around Cas, he realized that Cas, who doesn't sleep, had stayed the entire night, just to hold him.


	3. The Exception to the Rule

The next morning, Dean packed up all of their belongings in the duffel bag that he had brought. This was an easy task. All Dean had to do was pick up their various clothing items that were left forgotten on the floor last night. Heat rushed through Dean's body as he thought about all that had happened yesterday. He was in disbelief that Cas even still liked him after the way he had behaved. Not to mention that Cas had actually kissed him back. Dean smiled slightly as he remembered how the angel had reacted when Dean first kissed him by the car. He had expected Cas to push him away, to tell him that he wasn't interested. Dean had been agonizing over what to do about his feelings for weeks. He had watched Cas trying to pick up any sign that the angel might be interested, but had come up with nothing. So he gave up thinking about it, and just acted. And not only did Cas let the kiss happen, he actually pulled Dean closer. Kissing Cas had been nothing short of intoxicating. Dean shivered as he remembered pressing Cas up against the car. He had been so caught up in the way Cas' body felt, that he had completely forgotten that they were in full view of the road. Dean was discovering that he didn't tend to think reasonably when kissing Cas. Besides, if he thought reasonably about what was happening between the two of them, it scared the crap out of him. 'Listen to yourself,' he thought, 'you sound like a chick in a romance novel.' He rolled his eyes and tried hard not to think about Cas for a while.

This task became very difficult when the angel himself popped back into their room, carrying breakfast and wearing one of Dean's t-shirts. Dean had sent him out for food right after he had woken up because he had needed some space. He had woken up to find himself wrapped around Cas like the guy was his favorite Teddy Bear. (Not that Dean had _ever_ had a Teddy Bear.) It freaked him out to know that he had subconsciously latched onto Cas like that. He pushed these thoughts away as he reached for his breakfast.

"Have you thought about what you want to tell Sam when we get back?" Cas asked while Dean ate his breakfast sandwich.

Dean swallowed before answering. "I'll tell him the truth." Dean shot a look at Cas and saw him nodding. Dean couldn't tell how the angel felt about that decision. Dean looked away and continued eating his sandwich.

Just a few minutes later, the boys were back on the road. Dean was playing music and Cas was looking out the window. Out of nowhere, Cas doubled over in shock and pain, gripping his head.

"Cas? You alright?" Dean asked loudly before turning his music off. He was shooting Cas concerned looks while also trying to keep his eyes on the road. Dean had just reached out to touch Cas' shoulder when the angel gasped "Angel radio, I have to go." And then vanished. Dean's hand closed on thin air. He threw it up in the air in exasperation, "What? No goodbye?" He grumbled to the empty car. Dean jumped as Cas suddenly reappeared in his seat. He leaned over quickly and kissed Dean softly on the cheek and whispered "Goodbye Dean." And vanished again. Dean glowered at the road and tried very hard to be angry that Cas had made him jump, but then slowly, he smiled.

Several hours later, Dean had made it back to the bunker without the reappearance of Castiel. Dean told himself that he shouldn't worry yet. If Cas needed help, he would get in contact with Sam and Dean. Cas was an angel for God's sake. He could take care of himself. 'But if he's been kidnapped, then he won't be able call for back up' Dean thought. He had just started on a potential rescue plan when he saw Sam sitting at the table, working on his computer.

Sam looked up as Dean entered the room. "Where's Cas?" He asked.

"It's good to see you too, Sammy." Dean replied sarcastically. "He got a call on angel radio and took off." Dean answered. He walked around the table and headed for the kitchen as Sam asked "He didn't say what happened?"

"Nope." Dean responded from the kitchen as he opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. He returned to the room Sam was in and plopped down in a chair.

"Is everything okay with the two of you? You both sounded weird on phone yesterday. Did you guys have a fight or something?" Sam watched Dean's face in a way that only Sam could. Dean knew that if he lied right now, Sam would see right through it. So he elected to just tell the truth. Mostly.

"Yeah we had a bit of a fight." Dean confessed. He remembered Cas pinning him to the motel bed and elected to leave the _that_ part out. "We just argued really."

"Well what about?" Sam pushed.

Dean hesitated. If he was going to tell Sam about what happened yesterday, now was the time. "Nothing really. We're fine now." 'Chicken' he thought to himself. Sam eyed him suspiciously but didn't push it.

"Well, I wouldn't worry about him. I'm sure he'll be back soon." Sam said confidently. 'Too late' Dean thought, remembering the rescue plans he had already started.

"Yeah, he can take care of himself." Dean said casually, taking a drink.

"Alright, well I am going to head to bed." Sam said, standing up and gathering all of his things.

"Night, Sam." Dean said.

Cas popped into existence outside the abandoned warehouse where he believed the source of the distress call had originated. He still had a lingering flutter in his stomach from saying goodbye to Dean. He thought fondly of Dean waking up in his arms this morning. With a pang of sadness and jealousy, Cas realized that he would never be able to wake up in Dean's arms as he didn't sleep. Not unless he was seriously injured, anyway, and his body shut down. He was contemplating if that would be worth it when a scream pierced through the air. Not a human scream, either. This scream was so high pitched, that it would have busted the ear drums of any humans within close proximity. This was the scream of an angel in the worst pain imaginable. Cas' angel blade appeared suddenly in his hand and he moved quickly into the warehouse. Another scream rang out and Cas spotted the source. Two demons, facing away from where Cas had entered, had blades out, both dripping with blood. They were facing an angel who was chained to the floor. A surge of anger soared through him as he realized that the demons were torturing the angel. Cas vanished and reappeared right in front of the larger of the two demons. He drove his blade right through the heart of his victim. Cas watched as the life flickered out of the demons eyes. He yanked his blade away as the demon fell. Cas turned quickly to the second demon and felt his heart drop. The second demon was standing close to the chained angel, his hand on a blade that was protruding from the angel's chest. Cas watched in horror as the angel's body slumped to the ground. Eyes blazing with fury, Cas lept forward to dispatch the demon. But then the room disappeared and Cas found himself standing in front of Dean. Dean, who was clutching at his stomach and doubled over in pain.

"Cas." Dean rasped as he fell to his knees.

Castiel dropped to his knees in complete horror as he saw blood spilling from between Dean's fingers.

"No, Dean, no. No no no." Cas whispered hoarsely. He reached for Dean to heal him but Dean crumpled before Cas could.

"NO!" Cas screamed. He pulled Dean into his arms and desperately felt for a pulse but didn't find one.

And then Cas' surroundings changed again and he found himself watching Dean fight a demon. The demon parried Dean blow for blow and forced the hunter backwards against a wall. Cas pulled out his angel blade to throw at the demon but he was too late. The demon's blade sliced out and cut Dean's throat. Cas started shaking as he watched Dean's body fall to the floor for a second time. And then everything changed again and Cas watched Dean being tortured before his torturer cut his throat. Cas watched Dean die over and over until the angel realized he was being _forced_ to watch this. Cas closed his eyes and fought against the pull of the visions. When he felt his head clear, he opened his eyes to find himself back in the warehouse, on his knees, with the second demon grinning down at him.

"I'm surprised that worked." The demon said gleefully. Cas realized that this demon was one that he had only ever heard about during his days in heaven. This was a demon that could force humans to live out their worst fears over and over again until the human was literally scared to death. But Cas wasn't human. He should be too strong for the demon to reach his mind.

Cas struggled to his feet, his limbs still heavy with fear. He reached for his blade automatically but it wasn't there.

"Looking for this?" The demon taunted. He carressed Cas' blade with the tip of his finger. Cas felt his heart beat faster as he realized that he was weaponless. Cas' body tensed, ready for the demon to spring at any moment.

"Oh don't worry, I'm not going to kill you yet. I'm still curious as to why my power worked against you. You wouldn't happen to know why, would you?"

Cas said nothing.

"I thought not." The demon continued conversationally. "Well, lets think. My power works so well on humans because they fear so much. But what on Earth, do angel's have to fear? They care only for their Father in Heaven and he is untouchable which makes them effectively immune to fear. But you, you clearly care for much more than that. So tell me." He smiled viscously at Cas. "Who is _Dean_?"

Cas snapped. His blood boiled with rage and he launched himself at the demon. The demon tried to swing out at Cas but he wasn't fast enough. Castiel pressed his hand against the forehead of the demon and watched with pleasure as the life burned out of the creature. He released the body and let it fall to floor before retreiving his blade. He stood, breathing heavily, for a moment and then vanished.

After Sam left the kitchen to go to bed, Dean sat for a couple more minutes, finishing his beer. He had just stood up to leave when Castiel popped into existence right into front of him.

"Fuck!" Dean cursed as he jumped in surprise. "What the hell Cas? Give a guy some warning!"

But instead of responding, Cas pushed Dean up against the wall and kissed him hard. Dean gasped in surprise at Cas' show of confidence but then quickly lost himself in the feel of the angel's lips. He tangled his fingers in Cas' hair and wrapped an arm around his waist. Cas had both of hands pressed against the wall on either side of Dean's head. The angel directed his attention to Dean's neck effectively freeing Dean's mouth so he could say "Cas, I don't think we should do this here. Sam could walk in at any moment." Dean felt Cas nod his head in response and Dean closed his eyes expecting Cas to pull away. But when he didn't, Dean opened his eyes and almost choked in surprise. Cas had transported them out of the dining room. Dean was now pinned against the wall of his bedroom. 'Where is all of confidence coming from?' Dean thought. But all thoughts were quickly chased from his head as Cas kissed him again. Dean looped his fingers through Cas' belt loops and tugged him closer. Cas pushed Dean's shirt up and ran his hands up Dean's back. Dean loved the feeling of Cas' soft hands against his skin. Cas tugged Dean's shirt over his head and then continued to kiss him fervently. Cas clumsily traced the lines of Dean's muscles all over his upper body. Dean's skin shivered where Cas touched him, his feather-light touch driving Dean crazy. Dean reached down to take Cas' shirt off and realized with a jolt that Cas was still wearing one of Dean's shirts. 'As if I needed another reason to lose every bit of my self control.' Dean thought exasperated. Cas' shirt came off quickly after that. Dean gripped Cas against him, his fingers digging into the angel's back. Cas reached down to the button on Dean's jeans and clumsily tried to undo it. Dean gasped and pulled away to look at Cas in astonishment.

"What?" Cas asked, his eyes blazing.

"Are you kidding me, Cas? You popped in here and immediately threw me against a wall. And now you are trying to take my pants off." Dean heart was racing wildly, making it difficult to concentrate. "Don't you think this is a little fast?" He asked lowering his voice.

"Dean, I've seen you meet a girl and invite her back to your room in under thirty minutes. Don't lecture me about moving too fast." Cas pushed away from Dean.

"Is that what you want?" Dean snapped, astonished by Cas' behavior. "A one night stand?"

"A what?" Cas asked confused.

Dean sighed in exasperation, "A one night stand," he repeated, "basically, it's one night of meaningless sex between two people that don't see each other afterward."

"Oh. No that's not what I want at all." Cas responded softly.

Dean's anger softened as he realized that Cas' whole body was shaking.

"Then what is all of this about, Cas?" Dean asked as he reached out to the angel. Cas let himself be pulled closer to Dean.

"I ran into a demon when answering a distress call from earlier today." Cas began to explain. "There were two demons actually and they were torturing the angel that got into contact with me. I killed the first one quickly but before I could do anything else, the second demon, he-" Cas broke off, his voice shaking. "He made me have these, sort of, visions. Afterward, he told me that he was showing me my worst fears." Cas looked at Dean. "They were all of you. Every single one. And you died, in all of them. I watched you die over and over again, Dean. And the biggest part is, the demons powers shouldn't have even worked on me. He only ever affects humans because they fear losing what they love. But angels don't fear anything because they don't love anything. And I'm the exception to the rule." Cas stopped, still shaking.

Dean was frozen in place. He wanted to wrap his arms around Cas and hold him close. But instead he took a step back, away from Cas.

'I'm just making him weak,' Dean thought, 'If it wasn't for me, Cas would have been fine. He wouldn't be falling apart right now. It's my fault. He deserves better than this.'

"Cas, I think you should go." Dean forced out, his voice raspy. Cas looked at Dean with huge eyes.

"I'm sorry," Dean continued, his voice growing stronger, "But this isn't good for you. So you should just go."

Cas looked at Dean with agony in his eyes. The sight shattered Dean's heart into pieces. But he didn't take back his words. 'He deserves better.' Dean reminded himself.

Cas looked like he might say something but then shut his mouth, his lips pressed into a thin white line. Then he vanished.

Dean stood in shock for what felt like forever. And then collapsed onto his bed.


	4. Nine Days and Eight Hours

"Okay. That's enough. I'm done with your sulking." Sam said, throwing his hands up in exasperation. "If you are not going to tell me what's wrong, then you don't get to mope around anymore." Sam declared.

Dean glowered at the ground. He was _not_ sulking. Sure, he was disappointed that Cas hadn't been around in a while, nine days and eight hours to be exact, but he wasn't "sulking" about it.

"I'm fine, Sam." Dean said for the thousandth time in the past nine days and eight hours.

Sam ignored him as he did every time Dean had said it. "Is this about Cas?" Sam asked for the two thousandth time in the last nine days and eight hours.

"Nope." Dean answered just as he did every time.

Their routine had become somewhat of a comfort for Dean. It showed that Sam cared and Dean appreciated that, even though he would never admit it.

"Are you lying?" Sam asked.

'Okay that's a new one,' Dean thought.

"Oh, are we getting more creative in our interrogation techniques, Sammy?" Dean replied sarcastically.

"You know what, fine! You leave me no choice." Sam snapped. He pulled out his phone, typed a message, and sent it. Dean leaned against the table in the dining room, facing Sam.

"Are you going to text me until I give up all my secrets?" Dean taunted snidely.

"What's the emergency?" A voice behind Dean asked. Dean whirled around and found himself looking at Cas for the first time in nine days and eight hours. Dean's heart dropped at the sight of those intense blue eyes.

"There is no emergency, Cas. I just needed to get you here." Sam reassured.

The worry that had been etched into the angel's face, faded into relief.

"What do you need me for?" Cas asked.

"I need you to talk to Dean. I know that there is something wrong with the two of you." Sam responded. At his words, Cas looked at Dean. His eyes raked over the hunter's body, drinking him in. Pain flashed behind those blue eyes.

"You haven't been eating." Cas said quietly. "Or sleeping." Only Cas' eyes reflected that these things upset him and Dean doubted that Sam could even see it.

"Right." Sam said uncertainly. "Whatever is going on here needs to stop. It's time for you two to kiss and make up."

Cas looked away from Dean. "I've considered that but I don't think that Dean wants me to kiss him."

"No, it's a figure of speech, Cas. It means that you guys need to solve your issues. I wasn't suggesting that you actually kiss Dean. That would be ridiculous." Sam said as if trying to lighten the mood.

Dean gripped the table hard, the color draining from his face.

Cas' eyes shot back to where Dean was. "You didn't tell him." It wasn't a question. The look in Cas' eyes made Dean feel like he had been carved out and left hollow. Cas turned around stalked towards the bunkers main door.

"Cas! Wait-" The door blasted open without Cas even lifting a finger. Sam fell silent.

Cas strode out without looking back.

Silence fell until Dean picked up an empty beer bottle from the table. He glared at the bottle as if it had personally wronged him and then flung it across the room where it hit the wall and shattered. He felt Cas' absence with a tightness in his chest that made it hard to breathe.

"Dean. What the hell is going on?" Sam asked earnestly.

Dean collapsed into a chair and said nothing.

"Did Cas," Sam gulped, "did he try to _kiss_ you?"

Dean shook his head, giving into the questions. "I kissed him." Dean replied hoarsely, his face ashen.

Sam's jaw dropped. "On purpose?" Dean gave Sam a withering look and Sam snapped his mouth shut.

"Okay. So you like him? Cas. You like Cas?" He asked. Dean nodded.

Sam's eyes widened. "But I thought you were, I mean, I thought you only liked girls."

Dean said nothing.

"Wow. And Cas likes you back?" Sam asked.

"He did. I'm not so sure anymore. He's really angry with me." Dean responded quietly.

"Well, considering the way he just acted, I would say he definitely likes you." Sam said.

"But he barely even looked at me. And he was so angry when he found out that I hadn't told you about us." Dean argued.

" _Us?_ Wait, you're not- Are you sleeping with him?" Sam asked incredulously.

Dean shook his head and then let it fall onto the table miserably.

Sam let out a breath. "I think you had better start at the beginning and tell me what happened."

And so Dean told Sam everything. Well, not _everything_ , but all of the important things.

Sam blanched when Dean told him about the night that Cas had left.

"So let me get this straight. Cas told you that he loved you and then you told him to leave? _WHY_?" Sam asked astonished.

"He didn't tell me he loved me." Dean argued.

"Dean, he told you his very worst fear was losing you! If that's not love, then I don't know what is." Sam insisted.

Dean's eyes widened as he took that in. "Even if that's true, it just means that I did the right by sending him away. The fact that he cares about me almost got him killed, Sammy. I almost got him _killed_. He deserves better than that." Dean clenched his hands into tight fists. When Sam didn't say anything, Dean looked up. Sam was staring at Dean as if his brother had sprouted an extra pair of eyes.

"Oh my god." Sam finally said. "You know, part of me isn't really surprised that Cas is in love you. He has always looked at you like you hung the moon. But I never expected this."

"Never expected what?" Dean asked irritated.

"Dean, I saw your face just now. I could hear it in the way you talked about him. Not only is Cas in love with you, _you_ are in love with _him_." Sam replied, once again surprised by the situation.

Dean tried very hard to look indignant but gave up. "Please don't tell him." Dean said miserably, not even trying to deny it.

"Why don't you want him to know?" Sam asked disapprovingly.

"Because I'm no good for him, Sammy." Dean replied even more miserably.

"Don't you think that Cas should get to decide that? Besides, you're miserable without him around. He was right when he said that you haven't been eating or sleeping enough." Sam argued.

Dean sighed. He knew that Sam was right. Every night when Dean would lay down, he would remember what it felt like to fall asleep in Cas' arms. Now it seemed that sleeping without Cas just wasn't a possibility for him anymore.

"I know. I'm just so afraid of hurting him. I've been with so many girls before and that bothers him, I know it does. And I have no idea how to be in love, much less be in love with a guy. Say we get back together, will that make him my boyfriend? Will that make me gay?" Dean looked a bit uncomfortable with the idea.

"Dean, just forget about putting labels on it for a second and answer this question. Do you want to be with Castiel?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Dean said without hesitating.

"Then that's all that matters. Don't worrying about what you call it, or about what other people will say. There is not a right or wrong way to be in love with someone. Besides, you're already doing it. You pushed Cas away to protect him. Granted, it was a really stupid idea but you sacrificed your own happiness to do it. Because you love him. It's as simple as that." Sam smiled.

Dean sat quietly, thinking Sam's words over in his head. He really did miss Cas. Even just the thought of talking to the angel again loosened some of the tightness in Dean's chest. 'But will he even want to talk to me?' Dean thought apprehensively, 'I've been so stupid.' Dean remembered how patient Cas had been every time that he had freaked. Cas always knew just how far to push Dean and when not to.

"I messed up, Sammy. Cas was by my side through every issue and every fear I had. And the second that he trusted me with something important, I failed him. What if he won't trust me again?" Dean put his face in his hands.

"He will. Because that's just who he is. I don't think I'll ever understand how you managed to get an angel to fall in love with you. I mean really, he's way out of your league." Sam grinned as he teased Dean.

Dean looked up, cracking a smile for the first time in nine days and nine hours. They sat in silence for a few minutes while they both processed the last two hours.

"So are you, like, attracted to other guys too? Or is it just Cas?" Sam looked uncomfortable with question but also like he couldn't resist asking.

"It's just Cas." Dean smiled again. "I don't even know how it started. I just realized one day that I couldn't get him out of my head. I started noticing things about him that I had never seen before. Like how easy it is to surprise him." Dean replied, thinking about how surprised Cas was when Dean kissed him.

"Dude, you need to talk to him. I haven't ever seen you like this."

Dean just nodded, his stomach doing flips at the thought.

"Good. I'm going to make myself scarce because I have already experienced too much sexual tension for a life time." Sam teased, getting up and walking past Dean to leave the room. Dean aimed a kick at him in retaliation, which Sam dodged, grinning. After Sam left, Dean sat quietly, trying to work up the courage for what he was about to do. He sighed and got up. He moved around the table and walked down the hallway to his room. When he entered, he paused for a moment, remembering, as he always did, when Cas had kissed him just a few feet away. He ran his hands through his hair and began to pace the room, nervously. 'Oh god Cas' Dean thought desperately, 'please don't hate me. I don't think I could take it.' He sighed and turned around to get his phone off his night stand to call Cas. He jumped at the sight of the angel, who was already standing on the other side of Dean's bed.

"Cas." Dean gulped. "I was just about to call you."

"You did. I mean, you prayed to me." Cas said passively, betraying no emotion.

Fear shot through Dean. "You heard that?" Dean asked quietly, not taking his eyes off the angel.

Cas nodded.

"And?" Dean voice was so low that Cas could barely hear him.

"Are you asking me if I hate you?" Cas asked, his head cocked to the side slightly. He looked so much like when Dean had first met him that Dean felt a sharp pain in his chest. Cas was so guarded, looking at Dean so blankly that Dean couldn't bring himself to answer.

There was a long silence and then Cas sighed in frustration and looked away. It was the first show of emotion Dean had seen from him.

"Why did you want me here Dean, if you are just going to continue to close yourself off?" Cas asked, his hands clenched at his sides.

"I'm trying Cas." Dean said hoarsely, closing his eyes.

Cas sighed again and Dean looked at him. The angel looked exhausted as he walked around the bed to stand closer to Dean. Dean could reach out and touch him now if he wanted to. And oh, he wanted to. He wanted Cas in his arms like he had never wanted anything. But he didn't reach out. He was too terrified of what Cas was about to say.

"I could never hate you, Dean. Never. No matter how much you push me away. No matter how long you close yourself off to me. None of it matters. I'm not capable of hating you." Cas ran a hand over his face as if this fact made him very tired. "Not even if I have to spend your whole life waiting for you."

Now Cas looked at Dean in that intense way he always had. And Dean suddenly understood that Cas meant it when he said he would wait. He had _already_ been waiting. Cas had looked at Dean that way so many times in the past and Dean was just now realizing that it was because Cas loved him.

Dean's heart started hammering.

"Cas, I'm so sorry. I should never have told you to leave. I just," Dean struggled for words, "When you told me that your worst fear was losing me," Dean swallowed, "and you almost died because of it, I realized something. When people get close to me, they get hurt and they die. I can't lose you Cas. I have lost so many people and I just can't lose you. I wanted to protect you from that. To protect you from me." Dean trailed off.

"Dean, you have spent your whole life protecting people. You're always protecting Sam and countless other humans you don't even know. And now here you are, trying to protect me." Cas shook his head. "You don't need to protect me, Dean. I can take care of myself. And believe it or not, I can take care of _you_." Cas looked earnest now. "If you'll just let me." He took a step closer to Dean.

Dean felt the tightness that he had carried in his chest for nine days and ten hours slowly loosen as Cas slowly drew closer. Not able to stand the distance anymore, Dean fell forward into Cas and wrapped his arms around the angel. Cas gripped Dean tight to his chest as the hunter buried his face in Cas' neck. The tightness in Dean's chest vanished and Dean suddenly felt heavy without it. He sagged into Cas, letting go of every fear that he had been holding onto and just let Cas hold him up for a while.


	5. No Going Back

When Dean eventually pulled away, Cas immediately pressed his lips against Dean's. Dean closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the kiss. Cas tangled his hands in Dean's hair and Dean ran his hands under Cas' shirt. Cas shrugged his coat off so Dean could pull his shirt over his head. Dean fervently kissed Cas all along his jaw and down his neck as he ran his hands all over Cas' body. Cas' breathing quickened at the feel of Dean's hands. Cas reached up to unbutton Dean's shirt but his hands were shaking too much. Frustrated and impatient he yanked on the shirt and popped the buttons off. Dean gasped in surprise. He felt his jeans tighten in response to Cas' forcefulness. Cas pushed the torn shirt off Dean's shoulders. Cas lightly traced Dean's ribs with his finger tips.

"You haven't been eating enough." Cas said sadly.

"Yeah well, I missed you." Dean replied, "A lot." Cas brought his lips back to Dean's fervently, as if to reassure him that he wasn't going anywhere this time. Dean walked Cas backwards until he fell onto the bed, dragging Dean down on top of him. Dean crushed his lips against Cas' and Cas tucked his hands into the back of Dean's jeans. Dean shuddered and rolled hips down against the angel. He could feel just how much Cas wanted him so he pushed his hips down again, grinding against Cas. Cas groaned and slid his hands, still tucked into the hunter's jeans, all the way around Dean's hips and brought them together underneath his zipper. Dean broke their kiss and groaned into Cas' shoulder as Cas moved his fingers against Dean's underwear.

"Cas, wait. I need you stop." Dean said, his breathing uneven. Cas went still underneath Dean, the color draining from his face.

"What did I do wrong?" Cas asked, his voice shaking.

"Nothing!" Dean said quickly, realizing Cas had misunderstood him. "God Cas, your doing everything right but I need you to stop for just a second because I need to concentrate."

Cas nodded and withdrew his hands. Dean sat up and Cas followed, facing him.

"I need to tell you something before this goes any further." Dean took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. "The past few days have been hell for me, Cas. You can ask Sam, I've been miserable."

Cas opened his mouth to say something but Dean stopped him by putting his hand over the angel's mouth. "Don't you dare apologize. In fact, just don't say anything until I'm done because I might not be able to get through it otherwise. Capisce?"

Cas' eyes were wide but he nodded so Dean removed his hand and continued.

"Like I said, the past few days? They've not been easy. But it was important, I think, that I experienced what it would be like to not have you in my life. And I'm not good at this, you know I don't like talking about my feelings and crap, but I also know that you deserve to hear it. You deserve better than the way I've treated you and I'm going to try my damnedest to make up for that. Starting now." Dean took another deep breath, his voice steadier now.

"I love you Cas. I don't know when exactly it happened but I do know that I've felt that way for a while now. I have never had very many constants in my life. I just kept losing people so at some point along the road, I stopped letting people in. So when I started caring about what happened to you, it scared the hell out of me because I knew sooner or later, you would leave. One way or another, I knew that I would lose you. And I did a couple of times. Those were some of the worst moments of my life. But you always came back. And I don't just mean back to life, I mean you came back to me and Sammy. You chose to come back to us every time. I think that is why I let my guard down with you, I had started to believe that you would be around for good." Dean smiled. "And the rest you know."

Cas had looked right at Dean the whole time he had been talking. Cas looked like he couldn't quite believe it.

"You love me?" Cas said quietly, as if he needed to hear it again.

Dean nodded. "I love you." He said simply.

"What made you realize it? Because you were bound and determined to push me away nine days ago." Cas replied, his voice guarded again.

Dean was surprised by Cas' cold shoulder reaction. 'But you broke his trust remember?' Dean remided himself bitterly.

"Sammy did." Dean answered, hoping this didn't upset Cas more. When the angel didn't respond, Dean pushed on. "I was a mess after you left earlier and finally told Sam everything. He told me how stupid I was being because I was clearly in love with you and well," Dean hesitated, "he seemed to think that you might be in love with me too." Dean finished quickly.

Cas' eyes had widened even more. He was looking at Dean in surprise. "You told Sam about us?"

"Yeah of course. I was always planning to but I knew that telling Sam would make it real somehow, like a point of no return. And that scared me." Dean replied, looking embarrassed.

"What made you do it then?" Cas asked, still disbelieving.

"Well, when I saw you earlier today, I realized that I had already reached that point. From the moment I first kissed you, there has been no going back for me, Cas." Dean answered earnestly, willing the angel to believe him.

Apparently it worked, because Cas pulled Dean over to him and kissed him hard. Cas' kisses told Dean everything he needed to know. The angel maneuvered so that Dean was now sitting in his lap, his legs straddling Cas. Just two weeks ago, Dean would have cringed at the idea of being in such a 'girly' position but now, he actually enjoyed it. Everything with Cas felt so natural to Dean that he didn't care about that stuff anymore. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and twisted his fingers in the angel's hair. Cas dug his fingers into Dean's back so hard that Dean thought he might end up with bruises, but he didn't care. He loved the way Cas held him desperately, as if they couldn't be close enough to each other. Dean pushed Cas gently backwards so that they laid flat on the bed. Dean trailed his fingers down Cas' chest, over his stomach and stopped at the button of his jeans. Cas grabbed his hand to stop him, his eyes searching for Dean's.

"You know that I love you too, right?" Cas asked, his blue eyes intense as they looked at Dean. Dean kissed Cas softly and whispered, "Yes, I know." Cas nodded and released Dean's hand. Dean expertly unbuttoned Cas' jeans and pulled them off. All of the shaky nervousness had left Dean as he removed his own pants as well. Dean lowered himself back onto Cas and kissed him gently. But Cas wasn't in the mood for tenderness. He kissed Dean hard, his tongue exploring Dean's. Cas slid his soft hands down Dean's body until they reached the top of his underwear. He pulled Dean's hips down hard against his own. They both groaned as they grinded against each other. They developed a rhythm of pushing and rolling that had them both breathing hard. Cas reached down and slid Dean's underwear off of his hips and then ran his hands up the bare skin of Dean's backside. Dean shuddered and kicked his underwear all the way off. Dean slid his hand down Cas stomach and then gently over the tightness beneath his underwear. Cas gripped the sheets of Dean's bed on either side of himself as he shuddered beneath Dean. Dean felt himself grow harder as he watched Cas' face. The angel had his eyes squeezed shut and he trembled under Dean's touch as the hunter continued to slowly trace Cas over his underwear. Dean knew that he was going to have to take it slow with Cas even though all he wanted to do was take the angel right then and there.

Cas' eyes flew open when Dean slid his hand into the angel's underwear.

"Oh my god, Dean." Cas said, his breathing uneven. Dean leaned down and kissed Cas' neck.

"If you need me to stop, just tell me." Dean reassured.

"No. Please don't stop, Dean." Cas gasped as Dean wrapped his hand around Cas' length. Cas gripped fistfuls of Dean's sheets as Dean moved his hand up and down slowly causing the angel squeeze his eyes shut again and groan into Dean's chest. Dean removed Cas' underwear with his free hand and then laid back down on top of Cas. Cas opened his eyes again just as Dean kissed him. Cas released the sheets and instead gripped Dean's back. Dean moaned softly as Cas' nails gently scraped across his shoulder blades. Dean moved his hand faster, and softly ran his thumb across Cas' most sensitive spot. Cas groaned, his back arched off the bed and his whole body trembled. Cas ran his hands down to Dean's hips and then reached down with one hand and shaking slightly, wrapped his hand around Dean. Dean shut his eyes and gasped with surprise and pleasure. Cas stiffly tried to copy Dean's movements.

Dean gasped again and said, "Not so hard." Cas loosened his grip and moved his hand up and down, successfully finding a rhythm that made Dean feel as if he was going to come apart at the seams.

"Oh god, Cas." Dean groaned. Dean could feel himself building to the end and knew that Cas must be too. Knowing what was coming and not wanting Cas to freak out, Dean rolled Cas over so that the angel was now above him. Cas' eyes widened but he didn't question it because Dean had started moving his hand faster.

"Dean, oh god, I don't know what to do." Cas moaned.

"Just relax, Cas. Let your body take over. This is supposed to happen." Dean reassured. Cas continued copying Dean's movements, moving his hand faster when Dean did. Cas started gasping for breath, and Dean could tell what was coming. He moved his thumb once more over Cas' opening, sending him over the edge. Cas shuddered all over and moaned Dean's name over and over again. The sound of Cas' pleasure sent Dean over the edge as well. Dean groaned into Cas' neck as his whole body responded to Cas.

"Cas, oh my god, Cas." Dean moaned as he came down. Cas collapsed onto the bed beside Dean, breathing heavy. Dean knew he was a mess but he didn't care. At the last minute, he had been afraid that Cas might be uneasy about the mess that came with sex so he had rolled them over to take the brunt of it. Dean had been right because Cas was now eyeing Dean's stomach warily. Dean reached over and grabbed a tissue to wipe himself clean while Cas watched with wide eyes.

"Was that me?" He asked Dean, still breathing heavy.

"And me." Dean answered, a bit uncomfortable. "It's just what happens, you know, at the end."

Dean was suddenly very aware of Cas' naked body right next to him. He was also very aware that he had just taken Cas' virginity.

"Are you okay, Cas?" Dean asked. "With what just happened? We didn't exactly talk about it before it happened."

Cas rolled back over so that his upper body hovered over Dean. Cas leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips. Dean reached up to hold Cas' face in his hands. They kissed unhurriedly, enjoying the feeling of being close to each other.

When Cas finally pulled away, he responded to Dean's question. "I knew where it was going. I may not have known exactly how to get there or what to expect, but I knew what was going to happen. And I _wanted_ it. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am right now."

He looked it too, Dean thought. His blue eyes were bright and focused and he had a small smile playing on his lips. Dean committed the picture to memory. He didn't ever want to forget this.

"You know, none of this would have even happened if I hadn't stopped your car from working that day." Cas said, a mischievous glint in his eyes now.

Dean considered this. He supposed that was true. He had planned to drown in his feelings in silence for the entire trip until Cas forced him into talking. As annoying as it was, he had to admit that it had worked really well.

"Oh, come on." Cas prodded, grinning. "You know that you were a little impressed."

Cas looked a little too pleased with himself for Dean's taste. Dean rolled over quickly, pinning Cas beneath him. Cas, who was still recovering from his first ever sexual experience, didn't have the energy to fight back very hard. He struggled against Dean's grip but sex apparently had the opposite effect on Dean. He still had adrenaline pumping through him and he held the angel in place, though not without some difficulty. After a moment, Cas lay still, his eyes still mischievous.

"What are you going to do to me?" Cas challenged.

"Oh I think I've taken advantage of your innocence enough for one day." Dean grinned. "Besides, your little trick eventually lead to me getting laid, so I can't say that I'm all that angry anymore." Dean said grinning even broader.

"So really, you should be thanking me. Not holding me hostage." Cas replied, also smiling.

Dean leaned forward and pressed a kiss against Cas' lips.

When they broke apart Cas asked, "What was that for?"

Dean smiled, "That was for my car."


End file.
